Confidence Over Skills: The Hidden Advantage for Women & Mums

As a woman and a mum, you have worked hard to build your skills, studying, learning on the job, and balancing it all with the demands of family life. Yet, when it’s time to speak up in a meeting or go for that promotion, you hesitate. I’ve been there too. Over time, I’ve learned that confidence can open doors that skills alone cannot.

What I Used to Believe About Success

For years, I believed success was a formula: study hard, master the skills, prepare for every scenario. Surely that would be enough, right?

But here’s what I observed; even with all the skills, so many women (me included) stayed quiet. We would downplay our achievements, second-guess our ideas, or wait until we felt “100% ready” before stepping up.

The truth hit me hard; it wasn’t our skills holding us back, it was our confidence. And without confidence, we don’t always get the chance to show what we know. That’s when I made a decision. I refused to let hesitation hold me back.

Confidence Is the Real Game-Changer

Confidence isn’t about arrogance, it’s about owning your voice, showing up fully, and claiming your space. It’s the quiet inner belief that you have something to offer. It’s what allows you to step forward when it counts.

Confidence isn’t something we are born with, it’s something we can build, one brave step at a time.

Technical skills matter, and they can all be learned and mastered over time with effort. But building the courage to speak up when you are scared? Backing yourself even after being told you are not good enough? That takes something different, a soft skill you can’t pick up from a textbook or in school. Confidence is what transforms your skills into visible, actionable impact.

Research backs this up. A Hewlett-Packard internal report found that men apply for jobs when they meet only 60% of the qualifications, whereas women often wait until they meet 100% (or more!). This gap isn’t about skill; it’s about confidence, perceived risk, and the social conditioning that pushes women toward perfectionism.

Research also shows that confidence can be cultivated. Psychologist Amy Cuddy’s work on power poses highlights how physical posture can influence presence and calm, while Dr. Carol Dweck’s Growth Mindset reminds us that confidence grows through practice, persistence, and learning from setbacks.

Confidence and skills together create opportunity, but confidence often opens the door first.

☝️This diagram reveals a hidden advantage for women and mums: believing in yourself can be just as powerful as knowing your stuff.

Ways to Build Your Confidence

If you have ever felt silenced, overlooked, or “not good enough,” here are practical ways to start building your confidence today:

1. Practice Self-Affirmation: Each morning, speak one truth about yourself; I am capable. I am learning. I bring value. It’s simple, but it rewires your brain to focus on truth over fear.

2. Rehearse Out Loud: For interviews or meetings, practice your answers aloud. Confidence grows when your body and voice have already rehearsed success.

3. Start Small, But Start: Speak up in a meeting, share your idea in a group chat, or send that LinkedIn connection request. Confidence is built through small, consistent wins.

4. Surround Yourself with Encouragers: Spend time with people who remind you of your strengths, not just your gaps. Your environment can shrink you or help you stand tall.

5. Learn as You Go: Don’t wait until you have it all figured out. Technical skills can be learned along the way, what matters most is showing up first.

Real Talk

Some days, I still feel nervous before a big presentation. I still have moments of doubt. But if I let fear make the decision, I stay stuck. And you deserve better than stuck.

Confidence doesn’t mean fear disappears. It means you choose to act, even with the fear.

Reflect: Where are you holding back because of fear or self-doubt? Think about the last time you stayed quiet, didn’t apply for a role, or downplayed your value.

Decide: Choose one small step this week to assert your confidence; speak up, apply for a role, or set a boundary that protects your energy.

Act: Take that step; no excuses, no waiting for perfect timing. Confidence isn’t built in a day; it’s built through action, reflection, and repetition.

Remember, skills can always be learned, but confidence gives you the edge to show up fully and claim your place. Your voice, your ideas, and your presence matter.

Yours truly,

Dr. Kenny

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