Raising Kids Equally: A Father’s Day Reflection

As we celebrate Father’s Day here in Australia, I have been reflecting on the powerful role fathers (and mothers) play in shaping the next generation. This isn’t about celebrating perfection; it’s about honouring the everyday choices that show our children they are equally valued, no matter their gender.

Growing up as one of four girls with two brothers, I often heard things like: “Is this what you would do in your husband’s house? No man wants an already-made woman because she will not be able to submit to him; a man is the head of the family.” I also heard statements like “You are playing too rough for a girl” and “You are too loud for a girl.” These weren’t just passing remarks; they reflected deeply held beliefs about gender, value, and the expectations placed on boys versus girls. The message was clear; boys were the investment, daughters the preparation. Sons carried the family name; daughters were expected to leave and “belong” to someone else.

It wasn’t always harsh; it was just the way things were. But here’s what I now understand: those messages don’t just shape girls; they shape boys too. Growing up, my brothers often heard things like: “You will carry the family name,” or “A man must provide and lead,” or “Don’t cry; men don’t show weakness.” These words reinforced the belief that their worth lay in preserving legacy, providing for others, and suppressing vulnerability. They didn’t just define what was expected of “real men”, they also influenced how my brothers measured success, expressed emotions, and related to others.

These subtle but powerful messages, whether to girls or boys, get woven into the next generation, unless we actively choose to lead differently.

Why This Still Matters Today

You might think we’ve moved past this, but bias hasn’t disappeared, it’s just become subtler. Sometimes it shows up in everyday choices: encouraging your son to lead while praising your daughter for being “helpful,” saving more for a son’s first property while expecting your daughter to “marry well,” or asking daughters to manage home care more than sons, because “that’s what girls do.” Studies show that, across cultures, parents often invest differently in sons and daughters, sending subtle but powerful messages about their worth, potential, and what they are expected to achieve.

The Messages We Send

When we give more attention, resources, or opportunities to one child over another because of gender, we are writing silent scripts into their hearts. Psychologists call this Social Learning; children don’t just listen to our words, they watch our actions and learn what gets rewarded. For example, a boy who constantly hears, “You must be strong and provide,” may grow up believing his value lies only in achievement, not in kindness or character.

Gender Schema Theory explains how children form mental shortcuts about what is “for boys” and “for girls.” A girl who hears, “Don’t aim too high because men might be intimidated,” may shrink herself to fit societal expectations, limiting her own potential.

These lessons don’t disappear as kids grow. The Life Course Perspective shows that early messages ripple forward, influencing relationships, careers, and even mental health. What seems like mere words can quietly shape a child’s entire life story.

👉 Leading the shift starts at home. By changing the messages we send today, we can change the stories our children carry into the future.

Leading the Shift

Parenting without preference is about building a balanced generation. When we choose equality, we teach our children something radical: worth isn’t gendered. Leadership isn’t just for sons, and humility isn’t just for daughters.

As mums, we can lead this shift in our homes. And fathers? Your role is just as critical, because a dad’s voice, approval, and investment shape how children see themselves for life. Every word, every action, every allocation of resources tells children what is valued and what is possible for them.

Reflect: What messages about gender did you grow up hearing? Are they still whispering in your home?

Decide: How will you ensure every child feels equally seen, valued, and invested in?

Act: Start small - equal time, equal praise, equal opportunity. Words matter, but actions matter more.

Because at the end of the day, success isn’t about the family name or cultural expectations. It’s about raising humans who know their value; fully, equally, and unapologetically.

Lead your shift, one intentional choice at a time.

Happy Father's Day!

Yours truly,

Dr. Kenny

If today’s post resonates with you, I would love to hear your thoughts. Comment below or share your experiences. Let’s learn from each other as we lead the shift. And if you would like to receive weekly insights, stories, and practical tips to help you navigate life’s transitions, subscribe 👇and never miss an update.