The Quiet Weight We Carry: A Working Mum’s Struggle with Mum Guilt

Have you ever loved your children so much, yet felt guilty for craving just five minutes of silence?

I love my kids deeply but some days, I crave just one quiet moment. As a working mum and a mature-aged student with two kids, my weekdays feel like a marathon. Between school runs, a demanding job, looming deadlines, and endless to-do lists, I often reach the evening mentally exhausted; only to be met with my children’s stories, questions, and boundless energy. And then, the guilt sets in.

That longing for silence doesn’t mean I love my kids any less, but the guilt makes it feel that way. It creeps in when I sigh too loudly, when I am distracted by work emails during bedtime, or when I just don’t have the energy for one more story. And it’s in those moments that a quiet thought whispers: ‘You should be doing better.’ It’s a quiet, heavy feeling that sits in your chest and whispers that you are not doing enough. That you should be more patient, more present, more… everything.

A few days ago, I found out this quiet weight has a name: Mum Guilt. And hearing that made me realise I am not alone in this struggle. So many mums feel the same tension between love, exhaustion, and the desire to simply breathe. Here’s what I have come to understand: Mum Guilt isn’t proof that we are failing; it’s proof that we care.

We Want to Be Everything

We want to show up for our kids in the best way possible. We want to be everything for them, even when we are running on empty. And while the intention is beautiful, the expectation is impossible.

What I am Learning

• I am learning that it’s okay to need space. It’s okay to say, “Give mummy 10 minutes.” It’s okay to protect your mental health because a burnt-out mum cannot pour love from an empty cup.

• Parenting doesn’t demand perfection; it calls for presence and sometimes, presence looks like quality over quantity. Ten minutes of full attention can mean more than an hour of distracted nodding while scrolling or stressing.

• Leading your shift as a mum means choosing moments of clarity and calm, even when the world demands more from you. It’s about showing up fully in the ways that truly matter, without guilt.

Beyond Motherhood

Mum Guilt often sneaks in when we are juggling multiple roles; career, study, and parenting, because we feel pulled in every direction. It’s not just about being a mum, it’s about being a woman trying to show up fully in every part of life.

Whether you are chasing career goals, finishing a degree, or simply trying to hold it all together, these feelings can be overwhelming. They are a sign that we care deeply, but they can also drain our strength if we don’t manage them well. Learning to give ourselves grace isn’t just for motherhood, it’s a skill for every transition, every shift we lead in life.

Research has found that parental guilt is one of the most common emotions experienced by mothers worldwide. While it often stems from love and high standards, constant guilt can lead to stress, burnout, and even depression (Constantinou et al., 2021; Liss et al., 2013).

Research also shows that practicing self-compassion and treating ourselves with the same kindness we offer others, reduces guilt and improves wellbeing (Harvard, 2024). In other words, giving ourselves grace isn’t selfish; it’s essential. When we care for ourselves, we show up better for our children.

If you have ever felt guilty for not being 'enough', please hear this: you are enough. Your love is enough. Your effort is enough. You don’t need to do it all, all the time.

This journey isn’t about perfection; it’s about grace, for your kids and for yourself.

Reflect: When do you feel Mum Guilt the most? What does it say about what truly matters to you?

Decide: What boundaries or habits can you set to protect your energy without losing connection with your kids?

Act: Take one small, deliberate step, whether it’s quiet time before engaging or having an honest conversation with your kids, so you lead your shift toward balance and presence.

Because strong mums aren’t the ones who never get tired, they are the ones who find strength in rest and rise again.

Yours truly,

Dr. Kenny

This post was inspired by a wonderful conversation with a fellow mum. Thank you for sharing your experience. It reminded me that I am not alone in this journey.

If today’s post resonates with you, I would love to hear your thoughts. Comment below or share your experiences. Let’s learn from each other as we lead the shift. And if you would like to receive weekly insights, stories, and practical tips to help you navigate life’s transitions, subscribe to my newsletter 👇and never miss an update.