When You Feel Like You are Losing Yourself: Motherhood, Career, and the Guilt No One Talks About

Many years ago, I came home from work and saw my baby boy reach out, not for me, but for our nanny. My heart sank. He had been with her since I returned to work when he was four months old. My first son had gone to childcare even earlier. It wasn’t new; but this time, it hurt more.

I was juggling a full-time job I didn’t enjoy, commuting, pretending to be okay, and quietly questioning everything: my choices, my motherhood, my worth. We had moved across the country for my husband’s work, and I had settled for a job in Credit, far from my true passion in Human Resources. Every day I showed up with a smile and a silent ache in my chest.

No one tells you the weight of guilt when you try to hold everything together, or how lonely it feels when you wonder if you are doing any of it right.

The Invisible Load of Motherhood and Ambition

Choosing work over being with your children isn’t just practical, it’s emotional. I carried that heaviness for years, missing moments I couldn’t get back. And all for a job that didn’t feel like me.

The judgment wasn’t only internal. At one of my second pregnancy’s antenatal appointment, just months after my first child was born, a nurse looked at my file and said, disapprovingly, “You are pregnant again? So soon? It seems you don’t like yourself.” I smiled, unsure how else to respond. She was furious. “You are smiling? At something this serious?” As if my body, and my choices, were up for public review.

At work, it was worse. A senior executive once joked in front of everyone, “Is this your father’s house? Why are you getting pregnant back-to-back?” I laughed outwardly but inside, I shrank, from shame and exhaustion.

Even when my kids were sick, I felt guilty taking time off, not because I didn’t want to be with them, but because I feared judgment. Would I be seen as unreliable? Would I miss opportunities? It felt like I was juggling being a “good” mother, wife, daughter, sister, in-law, and employee, and no matter what I chose, I was always falling short somewhere.

Eventually, what I was too afraid to leave pushed me out. I lost my job with a severance package. Instead of sadness, I felt relief, even joy! But that season brought new challenges: unemployment, financial dependence, and uncertainty. I will share more about that journey in another post.

What That Season Taught Me

That difficult time revealed my inner strength. Though filled with guilt and exhaustion, it taught me that resilience often looks quiet. I learned that guilt stems from love, it’s okay to mourn unmet expectations, and choosing myself doesn’t mean failing my family, it means honouring my humanity.

To the woman who knows this silent struggle, years ago, I stood where you are now.

When motherhood is sacred, yet the pressure to “bounce back” never fades.

You are expected to give everything, but never fall behind.

To stay ambitious, but not miss a moment.

To be strong, but not need help.

I wish someone had told me:

• You are not doing it wrong.

• You are doing your best in an impossible situation.

• You are not behind, you are becoming.

• Your children don’t need perfect, they need present.

• You can hold both guilt and grace.

• Even tired and stretched thin, you are still worthy of joy, rest, and pride.

You Are Not Alone

If you have ever cried silently on your way to work...

If you have ever smiled while your heart was breaking...

If you have ever questioned whether you were doing enough...

This is for you.

I created this space because I know how isolating these moments can feel. But I also know there’s so much strength in sharing them. You don’t have to do this alone.

Have you ever walked through a season like this?

I would love to hear your story. Comment below, message me privately, or simply know this:

You are not alone.

And you are not behind.

💗Yours truly,

Dr. Kenny

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