Success Isn’t a Title, It’s a Legacy

My mum always used to say, “Fingers are not equal.” Back then, it sounded like one of those quirky sayings parents throw around. But now, I see the wisdom: everyone’s path, opportunities, and timing are different; and that’s okay.

For a long time, I believed society’s message that titles, income, marriage, or timelines define our worth. I thought success was about hitting milestones, earning degrees, winning promotions, or checking off life’s invisible checklist. But life, through motherhood, career, and unexpected twists, taught me a different truth: real success isn’t one-size-fits-all.

I had been chasing someone else’s idea of achievement, feeling both proud of my achievements and perpetually behind. It wasn’t until I recognised that success is personal that things truly shifted, allowing me to step back, define my own version, and focus on what truly matters to me.

What Others Say About Success

To understand what success truly means, I asked some mums for their perspectives. The answers were diverse: some said financial stability, others said raising children well, and some said living a life that pleases God. A few admitted they had never really thought about it. Hearing these diverse perspectives highlighted a key point: there isn’t a single right answer. What feels like success for one person may not resonate with another. Understanding this makes it clear why it’s important to define success for yourself, not just follow what others or society tell you it should look like.

Why Defining Success Matters

While personal stories show how varied success can be, research helps us understand why this is the case and why defining it for ourselves matters. The Life Course Perspective shows that what we call “success” naturally shifts with different stages of life; what matters in our 20s may look very different in our 40s or 60s. Self-Determination Theory (SDT) adds another layer of insight, positing that when people pursue goals rooted in meaning and purpose (intrinsic motivation), they experience greater long-term wellbeing than when driven solely by external achievements like status or rewards (extrinsic motivation).

These insights remind us that real success is personal, evolving, and rooted in what truly matters to us, not what society or others dictate. But understanding this isn’t enough.

Defining Success

To make your achievements meaningful, you first need to define what success looks like for you. Without that, it’s like trying to hit a target in the dark; you keep swinging, and even when you land a hit, it doesn’t feel like anything. Think of it like building a map before a journey. Without a destination in mind, every step feels random, and you end up circling the same roads, frustrated and defeated.

When you define your version of success, every win, big or small, becomes meaningful. Each milestone is a checkpoint on a path you intentionally designed, not a comparison to someone else’s journey.

Leading the shift starts here: knowing what matters most to you and giving yourself permission to measure your life by that standard. Only then can you take deliberate, confident steps forward, instead of being pulled by expectations that weren’t yours to begin with.

Reflect: What has shaped your current definition of success: culture, family, faith, or personal goals? Does it reflect what truly matters most to you right now?

Decide: Release society’s version of success and write down your own definition for this season of life.

Act: Take one small step this week that reflects that definition; whether it’s celebrating a quiet win, protecting your wellbeing, or investing in what truly matters.

💡Real success isn’t about titles, promotions, or milestones. It’s a legacy, built in the everyday choices that shape who you are becoming.

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